Life on hold

I guess the feeling, that life is sort of on hold at the moment, is common for more people than just me in these times of the pandemic. 

I feel I am kinda sitting (or walking or running or cycling) and waiting for things to come: travel(s) to happen, job to re-appear and, I guess most of all, I am so waiting for my video meeting with the good doctors at the Antoni van Leeuwenhoek. 

I know, living life in the here and now. I am a great advocate of that and I do my best to be here and present and all that. But heck, the 26th people. I mean I am so eager to hear what they have to say. In a way I am also dreading it. What if, no. I shouldn´t even go there. What ifs rarely give something to be really enthusiastic about. Then again, what if they say they consider me to be an excellent candidate for this new kind of treatment. Or an old treatment that they just hadn´t thought of yet here in Norway. What if they manage to take away that continuously present dark cloud of ´the end of your time is near´. That would be kind of an awesome what if. A what if I could very well live with. 

Then again. Nope. Then again is sort of the same as what if. Not getting a lot of good vibes from then again. But for the blog´s sake: it could also be that they set aside a good 10 minutes to tell me that the standard treatment is the way to go and that there is nothing else to look forward to. 

Only time will tell. This break from treatment week is good but I can´t wait until it is over. I mean I am in a hurry. As soon as I know whether or not there is another treatment for me somewhere, I know whether or not it is good timing to pursue a great and interesting looking voluntary position here at the Red Cross and I will know whether or not to chase NAV to do their thing instead of pushing back all the decisions (not to mention money) they owe me by now. 

I am not good at this on hold thing. 

I wanna move. 

PS my hair is taking the me wanting to move a bit too seriously and has decided it does not like this new treatment. So back to hats and pig tails it is.